What Scares You?

What scares you, is it a fear of heights? for some there’s nothing quite as scary as public speaking. While that may not be true for you, you would be surprised how many fear public speaking more than death itself! In fact, researchers say that public speaking and social anxiety are among the top 5 things most people are afraid of.

I myself struggle with public speaking, although not so much because it scares me. It is a challenge because I am prone to becoming overly emotional when speaking on a topic I am passionate about. One would think that the easiest way to avoid the embarrassing loss of composure, is to simply avoid speaking about anything I am passionate about right? Wrong! The only thing I feel emboldened enough to speak about are those very things I am most passionate about! So therein lies the problem!

My first foray into public speaking was at my older brother’s wedding.

I was 19 at the time and a close friend of the bride so it was no surprise that I was chosen as her first bridesmaid. My 3yr old cute-as-a-button niece was chosen as the flower girl. My mom coached my niece for weeks on how to deliver a pretty bit of verse at the wedding reception. No one thought to coach me or even asked what I planned to say, it appeared everyone assumed I had this.

Confident in my ability to deliver a brilliant, off-the-cuff speech, I did not commit anything to paper. That evening, when my turn came to speak I was nervous as all get out, my palms were damp, my heart was racing and my throat was suddenly dry. I remembered that I had experienced this same nerve-wracking fear during a solo dance recital as a child. I alone had stepped onto a stage with all eyes on me.

The fear of making a mistake had paralyzed me, but when I looked up, my class teacher’s calm, steadying gaze and the imperceptible encouraging nod of her head boosted my confidence and I began my routine. Soon I had become so lost in the familiar movements that I had forgotten the watching audience. The ovation at the end was my moment of pure bliss! Reflecting on that instant, I thought surely this speech couldn’t be that difficult.

I boldly took the mic and began, “good evening, family, friends and well-wishers, this is indeed a very happy occasion for us all as we celebrate the union between my brother Greg and my dear friend Andrea”. I paused as everyone turned their full intention to me “Andrea and I have been close friends over the past few years and today I am truly honored and happy to welcome her into the Brusch family”.

I was almost there! I knew what my next sentence was going to be but suddenly I became overwhelmed with emotion. My lips trembled and I was mortified as sudden tears welled up in my eyes, but I continued in a shaky voice “please join me in wishing Greg and Andrea a life of everlasting love, laughter and happiness. May their love for each other grow stronger as they grow old together”. Forcing a wobbly smile through tears, I finally came to the end of my last sentence. Everyone got out their handkerchiefs to dab at their eyes as we raised our glasses to toast the bride and groom.

Photo courtesy of Matthew Lim Photography for visual impact

I was mortified and totally disgusted with myself! What had gotten into me? WHY was I crying and causing others to cry on such a happy occasion? Ughh! I wanted to erase that memory from the minds of everyone present but more than anything else, I wanted to erase that embarrassing moment from my own memory! Unfortunately, that memory haunts me to this day, I have since taken several online courses on public speaking. Were they helpful? well I learnt all manner of tricks to captivate an audience, but the one thing that I did not learn is how to keep my composure!

Not too long ago I had a Zoom chat with Transformational Coach Gail Elder-Cummings. I have known Ms. Gail for the past 6 years; she has always been a source of encouragement and motivation on my continuous journey to self-improvement and professional competency.

Ms. Gail was checking in, she wanted to know how I was coping in these uncertain times. We spoke about my recent career shifts and how I have realigned my personal goals. In response to her query regarding challenges I may be faced with, I confessed that my fear of losing my composure while speaking to an audience was a major issue. She immediately offered one-on-one coaching sessions to help me overcome this.

It was like a lightning bolt had struck me! You see the one thing that I had never tried is personal coaching! Suddenly it became crystal clear! I knew why nothing I had tried previously worked for me. I needed a solution that was tailored to address my particular problem!

I immediately signed up and began weekly coaching sessions with Ms. Gail. While I haven’t tested my public speaking skills before a live audience as yet, I feel confident that I can deliver a speech on a topic I am passionate about without having a total meltdown! This is why today I invite you to join me on my journey to self-improvement and professional competency. Public speaking may not be your particular challenge but you may be struggling in other areas of your professional and personal life.

Schedule an appointment to speak with Ms. Gail today!

Be honest and open about your challenges so she can tailor a program specifically for you. Don’t allow your challenges to stand in the way of your successes. There is no need to struggle in silence, invest in yourself. Get the help you need today!