Let Love In

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs puts the human need for love and belonging halfway up the totem pole of needs. To my mind, as important as the other components are, giving and receiving love is paramount. If the human need for love is unmet, all else is adversely affected and no one is happy.

Maslow theorized that if a particular need is unmet, an individual is motivated towards fulfilling that need

I know this may seem terribly presumptuous of me, but I don’t agree! My theory is that motivation to pursue love is dependent on the unique circumstances and experiences of the individual. Some lack the capacity to allow themselves the degree of vulnerability and acceptance that love demands.

Victims of unrequited love are hardly likely to be motivated to pursue love with any urgency. Love is a wonderfully euphoric state of being, but to be loved one must be vulnerable, open and accepting. Unrequited love on the other hand, can be hell! Courage, time to heal (and probably a touch of senility) is needed before anyone can be sufficiently motivated to let love in again.

Victims of abuse are equally cautious and unmotivated to love. It is no secret that the person you love most has the power to cause you the most crippling emotional pain. To my mind, this kind of emotional pain is even more severe than the pain of physical abuse. Who in their right mind would risk experiencing a second round of such fresh hell?

Paramount among the circumstances that can deter motivation to pursue love is loss

Some never quite recover from the unexpected death of a loved one. Who can blame them? how do you find the courage to love again? I imagine that the very thought of ever loving anyone again is scary! The thought of replacing a diseased spouse or partner with someone else can be very repugnant! Some do eventually manage to do so, but only with time. Time, they say is the great healer, everything gets better with time.

Personally, I would add love to every level of need in Maslow’s pyramid

Regardless of how well fed, watered, warm, safe and accomplished we are, or how much we achieve in life, we all need to love and be loved. It is unfortunate that most of us lead an achingly lonely existence because we become such cowards! we are afraid of letting love in.

In addition to remembered pain and the instinctive urge to protect ourselves from further pain; our egos also dictate that love given ought to be returned in equal measure. How is that even possible? how can you measure love? Love is not a commodity; it is a wonderfully euphoric state of being. Just let go and let love in.