Is it ok for me to get into the same line of business as my friend?
Imagine that Jack and Andrew have been friends for years. Jack has always been a chef with his own moderately successful catering business. Andrew, an office manager, has always had a knack for cooking and suddenly decides that he wants a career change. He decides to go to culinary school and becomes a successful and much sought-after chef. Did Andrew do something that can mean the end of a good friendship with Jack?
I’m always a bit annoyed and critical of someone who copies something I did, my thought is – where is their originality? If on the other hand, they told me they liked what I did and wanted to try it, I would happily help them get it done while eliminating any mistakes I had made. That’s a little weird right? You would think so, but there is a quote of seeming unknown origin that says “Good artists copy; great artists steal”; meaning that a copycat duplicates what you did but someone who improves on what you did owns it.
Its human nature to be a little miffed yet a little flattered at being copied. I had a conversation about this with a friend today and he had an interesting take on it. He said if I had grown up with younger siblings, I would have had a more practical sense of how we all learn from each other. His younger siblings aped what he did all the time because they were impressed by their older brother and looked up to him, in some instances they even copied the mistakes he made!
What’s your take on whether it is socially acceptable to date your friend’s ex?
I’m a romantic at heart, so I believe everyone owes it to themselves to wholeheartedly pursue love. That being the case, I have no beef with anyone who wants to date my ex, why would I? if that’s my ex then it means he wasn’t happy with me or I wasn’t happy with him! Of course, it could also mean we were miserable together, so we agreed to go our separate ways. How would it benefit me if I prevented him from finding happiness with someone else? That is obviously a rhetorical question, I gather some would get immense satisfaction out of knowing that their ex is miserable!
I’m sure you’ve been party to this type of scenario at some point. You were either the villain or the victim. I’m somehow quite magnanimous when I’m the ‘victim’ but although I think of myself as a bit of a rebel when it comes to following the rules, I feel uncomfortable being the villain. A friend once told me that she won’t care if I had a casual relationship with her ex, but later she told me she was still in love with him! This taught me that it is perhaps best not to get involved with a friend’s ex. Walk away if you value your friendship.
It is always best to think of how our actions will affect others.
Obviously, this is easier said than done! In the first scenario, you may focus on expanding the scope of the service or product your friend offers and hence, feel comfortable that you are not doing the same thing. The problem is, your friend may not have the same view! They may see you as being in direct competition with them for the same target market.
The alternative then is to offer helpful advice and try to steer your friend in the direction you would have taken to make the business more successful. Of course, if you’re an overbearing know-it-all like I am, your friend may not see your vision and may choose to ignore your helpful advice…. bummer
In the second scenario, your level of care for how your action may affect others will depend on variables like:
- Who will be affected by your actions; for instance, is it a close friend with high moral standards? or a friend who is prone to infidelity? maybe it is a friend who once dated your ex?
- Your emotional state at the time; were you attracted to your friend’s ex from the moment you met? Or are you lonely and desperate for companionship because you find it difficult to forge new relationships?
- Your past experiences; were you a ‘victim’ at some point in the past? Or the person who chose to forgo happiness with your friend’s ex ?
In the end, your conscience is always the best compass, ask yourself – how would I feel if someone did this to me? If you think you would be fine with it then go ahead! but be prepared to deal with the fallout.
