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Admitting Your Faults is Not a Weakness

It is always easy for us to see other people’s faults but fail to fully acknowledge and take responsibility for our own! Today during a conversation, I shared that I am aware of my own narcissistic tendencies. The truth is, we all are very aware of our unattractive qualities but we convince ourselves that we are only a ‘little’ selfish or critical or unemphatic or indeed narcissistic, while others we know are much worse. That is a bit like saying a person who murdered one family member is not really a murderer but the person who murdered three family members is! The truth is, admitting your faults is not a weakness as we all seem to think!

Are You Conscious of Your Faults?

Have you ever heard yourself say something that made you cringe in embarrassment? something you wish you could take back because it made you ‘sound’ boorish? Maybe you sometimes do things then realize in hindsight that it was offensive. If you’re honest with yourself you would say yes to one or both of these scenarios! and that is the meter by which I measure my own unattractive tendencies. I once read a quote by James A. Owen which resonated with me because it adequately defines what I am striving to achieve. I believe that while I may not always achieve success, developing a consciousness of my own character faults will help me be more forgiving and will enrich the quality of relationships I have with others. Ultimately, having rich, meaningful and satisfying relationships with others will certainly improve my life.

“Admitting your faults isn’t a weakness, it is a strength. Having your faults pointed out isn’t a slur against your character, it’s an opportunity to improve your life”.

James A. Owen

Should You Point Out Someone Else’s Faults?

We all know how offended and even angry we ourselves can become if someone mentions our character flaws! I think it is important for us to first analyze how we ourselves feel when someone habitually says or does something that does not sit well with us. How does it make us feel? Angry? Sad? undervalued? Neglected? This is important simply because how we feel really has nothing to do with that person! How we feel is based on our own insecurities, our ideals and how we prefer to be treated. Which is why if you decided to point out someone else’s faults the framing is extremely important! instead of saying “Karen I think you are always very rude to me”, you can instead say “Karen I feel as though you do not value our friendship when you say ‘X’ thing”.

What if The Shoe is on The Other Foot?

Once you understand that admitting your faults is not a weakness but an opportunity for growth, you become more willing to accept criticism. This means that you are on that arduous path to self improvement. Just recently I said to a friend in conversation ” I know that I can be a bit controlling but I’m working on it” and my friend responded, “I don’t think you’re controlling at all! you are appropriately assertive”. That made me very happy because it meant my hard work was paying off! Don’t be afraid to call yourself out if you notice an unattractive quality in yourself, admit it and strive to improve. Admitting your faults is really not a weakness, it is the first step towards self improvement.

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Life Begins at Fifty

Turning 50 is among one of the most celebrated events in a persons lifetime. Although some do not generally make a big fuss about birthdays, most tend to mark this milestone with a celebration. Have you heard the saying ‘life begins at 50’? I have always wondered whether that means that at age 50 you can put all your inhibitions aside and finally live out loud! I rather suspect it means something less exhilarating. Maybe it means that at 50 you have learned from all your mistakes and you’re now capable of overcoming any obstacles life can throw at you? To tell you the truth, at the ripe ole age of 53 I still don’t know the answer to that! What I do know is that when I turned 50 I found myself revisiting my life goals.

Previously, my goals were influenced by my own perception of what success looked like. I also had the silly notion that I should aspire to the “success” others sought. Somewhere along the way my perception of success became murky. I wasn’t sure if being successful meant money in the bank for a rainy day, having a prestigious position or having status or recognition of some sort. Today I am relieved to have finally come to the realization that my success is not defined by anyone else’s idea of success. In fact, success for me means being able to do what I like, when I want.

Financial Planning

One of the things that helped change my perception was my mother’s struggle to maintain her independence and find happiness after retirement. My mom had married young, and after a rough divorce she pursued a tertiary education which led to a successful management career. When she retired it became painfully obvious that she hadn’t made any plans beyond retirement. Regaining her independence after a failed marriage was her idea of success. Unfortunately, having focused all of her attention on attaining her goal, she had not allowed herself the luxury of developing an interest in anything else. Without a job or something else to fill the void, she became unhappy and disenchanted with her life. I certainly do not want to make the same mistake,

I want to live a simple but meaningful life for as long as I can. With this goal in mind, I have dedicated myself to planning for my retirement and learning skills that would help me stay involved and relevant. At some point over the last few years, it dawned on me that I knew nothing about financial planning so I applied myself to learning about it. I read every article I could about financial planning including this recent one on Nerdwallet. I also hosted an event with the sole intention of teaching mature women like me how to plan for the future. What I learned is that I had waited too late, I needed to take drastic steps to immediately correct my mistake. In my case it meant that instead of putting aside a small fraction of my income, I needed to put aside a bit more.

Who Said Life Begins at 50?

Everything I’ve learned in the past few years made me realize that we do our young people a disservice when we neglect to teach them important life skills like financial planning. Just recently, while driving to work, I tuned into a radio program in time to hear a Pastor preach about the wisdom of saving 20% of what you earn. Pastor suggested that the ideal time to start saving for your retirement is when you’re ‘middle-aged’. He clarified that according to the Bible, a normal lifespan is 3 score and 10 which is 70 hence, 35 is middle-aged! This means if you’re 50 or older you’re ‘elderly’! and one of the challenges elderly people face is learning new skills (like financial planning). So who came up with the idea that life begins at 50 I wonder?

I wish someone had preached that sermon to me when I was younger! I think more than anything else, we all want to ease into our golden years without worry. The good news is that it is not too late to start putting things in place to achieve that goal. There are a variety of books and online resources on the subject, and financial experts who can offer sound advice and guidance. If you fall into the category of ‘middle-aged’ then start planning for your financial future today and avoid having to make an even bigger sacrifice later. There are a lot of distractions that may make this difficult but stay the course! If you’re 50 or older and you have a solid plan in place then kudos to you! When the time comes you will be easing into your golden years without a care in the world!

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Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Christmas is days away! Some are busy preparing for the holidays and crossing items off their shopping list. Others are gaily skipping off to sunny Caribbean destinations. Some are checking into luxury resorts or already relaxing around cozy fireplaces! While some are desperately trying to ignore holiday music. Why would anyone do that? If you recently lost someone you always looked forward to sharing your happiest moments with, the holidays can be a fresh kind of hell!

Just recently someone told me they were planning to ‘skip Christmas’ this year. Don’t do it! skipping Christmas would be akin to condemning yourself to a slow and painful death. Let me tell you about the year I tried to skip Christmas. Earlier that year, my police detective brother was shot a stones away from the precinct where he worked. Fortunately, he survived 2 shots fired to his head at close range. but we weren’t sure he could ever fully recover. He had lost his sight and suffered a series of complications. After multiple reconstructive surgeries he was still a shadow of his former self.

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