Looking for Love?

I have been asked on several occasions how I seem to find the perfect relationships. Well first let me state clearly that no relationship is perfect! remember, we are all human and we all have faults, quirks, peeves or whatever you prefer to call it. The thing to do is learn how to accept and love someone despite that little thing you don’t like about them. THAT my friends is how to have a near-perfect relationship! If you never learn how to do that then you will forever be looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

How will you know its the right person? well …….. do they enjoy the same things that you do? Do they really listen to you? do they support your endeavors? do they go out of their way to do the things you like (in and out of bed?)  laugh at your stupid jokes? ignore your bad habits or help you improve? make you soup or take care of you when you’re sick? if you answered yes to most of those questions then you are probably with the right person. Ensure you reciprocate in all of the mentioned areas and you will have a great relationship.

If you answered no to every question then you are probably in an abusive relationship and you need to get out as quickly as you can! The main reason you should get out quickly is because your mental and emotional well being is under siege! The longer you stay the more easy it will become to convince yourself that everything is fine, or worst yet – you may convince yourself that something is wrong with you! once you’ve reached that point, the road to recovery will be long and difficult. Get out now!

The next question I get from women is – how do you find a ‘nice white man?’ well I think you can find a partner (whether black, white or in-between) anywhere you go. Hence if you never go anywhere, it is hardly likely that you will ever find ANYONE!  If you are single and you would like to date then you should make yourself available to the type of person you are hoping to attract.

What I mean is, if you are looking for a casual hookup, then joining an online hookup site or going to the places tourists frequent would guarantee that you meet people looking for casual hookups (of course this strategy may also work if you are looking for a white person as well). Similarly, if you are looking to meet local people for a long term relationship, it is best to attend local events, bars and clubs etc. While I don’t want to crush anyone’s hopes I feel like I should mention that it is best to stay open to possibilities. If you are looking high and low for a particular type or race you may completely overlook someone who is a good fit.

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When it comes to interracial dating – speaking from a Caribbean perspective – I can honestly say that the common misconception most black women seem to have is that white men are rich and stupid. There! I said it, go ahead bite me!  Hence, it is not surprising that most white men think black Caribbean women are on the make! These misconceptions make navigating an interracial relationship very problematic in the inception. I have been asked all manner of annoying questions, the best is -‘are you hoping for marriage so you can go to the US?’ my answer? well, while I’m saying in my head -‘WTF?’ what I politely say is – ‘single women can actually go to the US; I go often”.

The other element is sex – black women assume that all white men have small dicks. White men assume that all black women are freaks in bed. Black men assume all white women are freaks in bed and white women assume all black men are hung. None of this is true, the human race is made up of men in all colors and shapes with dicks ranging from size xxs-xxl, some are good lovers and some are not. Similarly, women come in all colors and shapes – some are good lovers and some are not. No two people are exactly alike so don’t judge the book by its cover.

Finally, as I mentioned before – most people look high and low for love and completely forget to look at what is right under their noses!  That person you always bump into at the supermarket that you’ve started saying hi to. That customer service person at the bank who is always polite and helpful. That person at church who sits in front of you every Sunday.  That ‘friend of a friend’ who is always a part of the group you hang out with on Friday nights.

If you feel a spark chances are they do too! be intentional when you say hello the next time. Don’t be shy, find out if they are single; invite them out or at least exchange numbers so you can chat and see whether you’re on the same page. As my grandfather would say ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’.

So lets recap – If you’re looking for love you have to go where  people are  – either physically or virtually. If you find someone but they are not treating you right, get out of it quickly. Remember not to stereotype,  everyone is unique so keep an open mind. Finally,  don’t overlook anyone! Love (or at least romance) could be right in front of you but you’re not seeing the forest for the trees!

Whatever you do, don’t give up on love, its there for every one of us.  I think the hardest part for some people is accepting love. American author Stephen Chbosky says – “We accept the love we think we deserve.” What do you think? let me know in the comments below.

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