Admitting Your Faults is Not a Weakness

It is always easy for us to see other people’s faults but fail to fully acknowledge and take responsibility for our own! Today during a conversation, I shared that I am aware of my own narcissistic tendencies. The truth is, we all are very aware of our unattractive qualities but we convince ourselves that we are only a ‘little’ selfish or critical or unemphatic or indeed narcissistic, while others we know are much worse. That is a bit like saying a person who murdered one family member is not really a murderer but the person who murdered three family members is! The truth is, admitting your faults is not a weakness as we all seem to think!

Are You Conscious of Your Faults?

Have you ever heard yourself say something that made you cringe in embarrassment? something you wish you could take back because it made you ‘sound’ boorish? Maybe you sometimes do things then realize in hindsight that it was offensive. If you’re honest with yourself you would say yes to one or both of these scenarios! and that is the meter by which I measure my own unattractive tendencies. I once read a quote by James A. Owen which resonated with me because it adequately defines what I am striving to achieve. I believe that while I may not always achieve success, developing a consciousness of my own character faults will help me be more forgiving and will enrich the quality of relationships I have with others. Ultimately, having rich, meaningful and satisfying relationships with others will certainly improve my life.

“Admitting your faults isn’t a weakness, it is a strength. Having your faults pointed out isn’t a slur against your character, it’s an opportunity to improve your life”.

James A. Owen

Should You Point Out Someone Else’s Faults?

We all know how offended and even angry we ourselves can become if someone mentions our character flaws! I think it is important for us to first analyze how we ourselves feel when someone habitually says or does something that does not sit well with us. How does it make us feel? Angry? Sad? undervalued? Neglected? This is important simply because how we feel really has nothing to do with that person! How we feel is based on our own insecurities, our ideals and how we prefer to be treated. Which is why if you decided to point out someone else’s faults the framing is extremely important! instead of saying “Karen I think you are always very rude to me”, you can instead say “Karen I feel as though you do not value our friendship when you say ‘X’ thing”.

What if The Shoe is on The Other Foot?

Once you understand that admitting your faults is not a weakness but an opportunity for growth, you become more willing to accept criticism. This means that you are on that arduous path to self improvement. Just recently I said to a friend in conversation ” I know that I can be a bit controlling but I’m working on it” and my friend responded, “I don’t think you’re controlling at all! you are appropriately assertive”. That made me very happy because it meant my hard work was paying off! Don’t be afraid to call yourself out if you notice an unattractive quality in yourself, admit it and strive to improve. Admitting your faults is really not a weakness, it is the first step towards self improvement.

Giving thanks

Photo of Jolly Harbour Antigua by Gemma Hazelwood Photography

Today I paused to reflect on my many blessings and found myself giving thanks for a pretty amazing life. I know that I’m not alone in this. Amid the festivities and traditions of the American Thanksgiving holiday, there were many expressions of gratitude. The past year has been tough for all of us. I think it has given us all a new appreciation of the fragility, preciousness, and simplicity of life itself.  Most if not all of us have lost loved ones to Covid-19. Some are praying at this very moment for loved ones who are struggling to breathe.   The most important life lesson we should learn is to treasure every moment.

What are you most grateful for? I am most grateful for life, my family, and my loved ones. Although my family and I do not live within earshot of each other, we can be instantly connected. We connect via phone, WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, and Zoom! Imagine how a pandemic of this magnitude would have alienated us from each other without technology! I’ve come to the realization that we take a lot of our blessings for granted. Take for instance the technology that connects us across continents.

What are you taking for granted?

Reflecting on this question is one of the most effective ways of practicing gratitude. Thankfully I have not experienced the effects of Covid-19, I cannot imagine how horrifying it is, but I am positive that it brings a new awareness and appreciation for the simple act of breathing.  We all breathe without giving much thought to it, we take each breath for granted. Hopefully, the ability to breathe unassisted is one of the things you and I will no longer take for granted! It is something I am constantly giving thanks for each day.

Continue reading “Giving thanks”

Mesmerized Part 2

drink whiskey brandy alcoholic beverages

After a while, he wondered exactly what he’d gotten himself into. She was driving fast and he had to keep his foot on the gas to keep up. She was heading away from where he lived and he belatedly wondered exactly how far they were going. Abruptly the car ahead swung into a long driveway. He swore under his breath as he quickly flipped his indicator on and followed.

He saw that she had pulled up in front of a modest bungalow. There was a neat line of cars parked on either side of the driveway and he pulled up behind the last one. He exited the car and walked over to where she stood waiting, she flashed him a quick smile then reached for his hand wordlessly. It felt comfortable, as though they had done this a million times before. They walked side by side toward the heavy wooden doors. He squeezed her fingers in his and when she returned the pressure a thrill of anticipation ran through him.

An unexpected introduction

He could hear the faint sounds of laughter and music as she lifted the heavy brass knocker and brought it down sharply. Instantly the door flew open and a tall curvy woman in a long dress was silhouetted in the doorway. “Hello, hello! Come right in!” she sang out. Trish tugged on his hand and he stepped into the wide doorway. “Hey, Simone! This is my boyfriend Renee“, Trish said as she hugged the other woman. Renee was taken aback, boyfriend?! “this is my cousin Simone,” Trish said without looking at him. He automatically extended a hand and Simone pulled him into an embrace. He was unprepared for the fleeting sensation of full breasts pressed against his chest, ”Oh don’t be so formal! come on in!” Simone said pulling him inside.

“So, what can I get you to drink ?” He finally had a good look at Simone, she was a beautiful woman. Her hair was hidden under a purple wrap which complemented her smooth caramel-colored skin and brown eyes.  The bodice of her dress displayed the kind of cleavage that attracted the eye. Her plum-colored lips were curved into a slight smile as she looked him over with frank curiosity. “Scotch straight up please,” he said.  As she went off to get the drink, he realized that Trisha had disappeared from his side.

What had he expected?

He looked around the tastefully decorated room. There were a few people standing around in clusters. Jazz spilling from hidden speakers mingled with the murmur of conversation and sudden outbursts of muted laughter. Judging from the empty buffet table and the empty wine glasses that littered surfaces, the party was winding down.

Simone returned with drinks and handed him one. ‘Let me introduce you to the rest of the family” she said leading the way over to a group of women. “Everyone, this is Trisha’s boyfriend Renee” she announced. There were murmurs of “Hello, nice to meet you” as several pairs of eyes looked him over. He shook a few hands and smiled politely at others. He was a little irritated, this wasn’t what he expected. What had he expected? He had no idea but it wasn’t this! He wasn’t anyone’s boyfriend! “Hello, good night”, he murmured politely. Despite the little game she was playing, he was determined to keep his cool.

“Wow! Trisha is a sly one, how come she never told us she was dating this hunk of a man?” one of the older women asked plaintively. “Probably ‘cause it’s none of your business?” Someone retorted. Everyone laughed and he used the opportunity to look around for her again. She was in conversation with a tall silver-haired gentleman across the room. Excusing himself, he made his way over to her side.

Good taste

As though sensing his approach, she turned around and smiled up at him. “Renee I’d like you to meet my dad,” she said, “Dad this is Renee.” The silvered-haired gentleman chuckled as he extended a hand. “Joe Hunte.” Please forgive my daughter for dragging you here”. “Very nice to meet you, sir, is that what she told you?” he asked raising his eyebrows at her. She looked up at him ruefully. “I’m sorry! I couldn’t show up to another one of these family gatherings without a date.”   He felt a little sorry for her but it didn’t reduce his irritation. “I see,” he said shortly. It was definitely time to go! He put his glass down on a nearby side table and turned to her, but before he could say anything, Joe spoke. “Please, you just got here man, join me for a cigar. Trish, get us the good stuff will you?”.  

Joe gestured towards open french windows nearby and he reluctantly stepped out onto a wooden deck. “Come, sit, I’m not going to bite,” Joe said pulling two chairs closer to a small table. He sat and looked around. Except for a couple seated at a far table talking quietly, the deck was empty. “So, what do you do when you’re not being picked up by strange women?” Joe asked teasingly as he settled himself into one of the comfortable chairs. For a moment he was taken aback then he laughed despite himself, Joe was having a bit of fun at his expense. “I’m an Accountant” he answered, “and I’ve never been picked up by a strange woman before.” “Well there’s always a first time for everything my boy and if it makes you feel any better I know my daughter has good taste!”

Joe looked at him thoughtfully for a moment “Don’t be too hard on her, these family gatherings can be tough, and she and I are a lot alike. We like our work and our own company too much.” He said ruefully. “I am probably to blame for that, she was only 15 when my wife passed. I pretty much threw myself into my work which meant she spent a lot of time alone.” He paused for a while then continued “I’m so proud of her, as a child she dreamed of becoming a doctor and she has worked very hard to accomplish that. Lately, her aunts have been pressing her to settle down.” he chuckled. “I know it gets to her sometimes, I just didn’t realize how much! I just want her to be happy” They both looked up as Trisha walked out onto the deck carefully balancing a silver tray.

Nostalgia

“There she is!” Joe said sitting up and rubbing his hands together. Trisha set the tray on the table and he saw that it contained a Baccarat crystal decanter, 2 matching whiskey glasses, and a cedar wood humidor. “Thank you, my dear, aren’t you going to have a drink with us?” Trisha laughed, “No dad, I know you are happy to have someone else to drink your whiskey with tonight”. She patted her father’s arm affectionately then looked across at him, “come say goodbye before you leave okay?” He nodded and watched as she disappeared through the door leaving them alone again.

“So! it’s just the two of us then” Joe poured an equal measure of whisky into the two glasses and pushed one across the table to him. Raising their glasses in silent salute they both sipped. He was pleasantly surprised, it was smooth! almost creamy with smokey notes of – was that vanilla? He wasn’t sure but damn! it was good!  “Ahhh! that’s what I’m talking about!” Joe said jovially clapping his hands together. Renee chuckled, he was beginning to like this old guy, he reminded him of his grandfather.


He felt a wave of nostalgia, the whiskey, the cigars, that humidor – it all brought back boyhood memories of his grandfather. His grandfather always had a whiskey and cigar after dinner and he had enjoyed watching the cigar lighting ritual. He watched as Joe opened the ornate box and removed the cutter and the lighter and set them beside him on the table. Joe swiveled the box toward him, and he carefully selected one of the cigars and immediately brought it to his nose to inhale the familiar bouquet without removing the cellophane.

“My grandfather loved his cigars, but my dad never smoked and I don’t either, I just like to smell a good cigar,” he said ruefully. Joe smiled “that’s fine, as a child growing up my dad smoked only the finest cigars, on my 20th birthday he showed me how to cut, toast, and light my first cigar. That was the beginning of my love story with cigars. My dad and I got together every birthday for a cigar and a whisky. That was our ritual until he passed a few years ago”.  He had cut his cigar and was patiently toasting it. Once the cigar was properly lit he settled back in his chair and blew out a stream of fragrant smoke. His face lit up with enjoyment and Renee chuckled “I can see how much you’re enjoying that.” “Oh yes! it’s one of life’s pleasures I can still enjoy”.

The complete package

They sat in companionable silence, and he didn’t feel the slightest need to make conversation. He relaxed into the comfortable chair occasionally sipping his whiskey and enjoying the fragrant cigar smoke. What Joe had shared about his daughter was surprising, she was a doctor! certainly not the kind of fast-paced career he had imagined she would have. She had the polished look he’d always thought hinted at a leisurely lifestyle, this was obviously an incorrect assumption.

He totally understood the annoyance and frustration brought on from being pressured to settle down. That was a pain in the ass he was all too familiar with! Ever since his younger brother had tied the knot three years ago, the nagging had intensified. His mom wanted grandchildren from him despite the two she already had from his brother. Just last weekend while he was enjoying the company of his 2 year old nephew, his smug, idiot brother had told him “yo! don’t waste time cause one day it’ll be game over!” He wanted to hit him over the head with something! he wasn’t that old!

It had been a long lonely road to becoming a chartered accountant and an uphill battle to pay off his student loans. The way he saw it, now that it was all behind him this was his time to relax and enjoy a bit of freedom. At 34 he wasn’t about to start climbing over another hurdle just yet. Maybe in another two years but for right now, casual dating with all of the pros and none of the cons was ideal! Dr. Trisha Hunte though was obviously not the kind of woman to casually date! She was the complete package, the type of woman he could see himself settling down with…one day.

Don’t be a stranger

Eventually, Joe stirred and lifted the decanter to pour him another drink, he shook his head “No thank you, I really should be leaving” he said rising to his feet. Joe nodded “the pleasure is all mine! It’s not often I find a young man who can have a drink without once looking at his cell phone” Joe stood and clapped him on the shoulder “I appreciate the company son, don’t be a stranger now”. He nodded and walked into the living room to say his goodbyes.

For a moment he thought the room was empty then he saw her. She was lying on a plush sofa with her hair splayed out around her head. Her full lips were parted and he could hear her deep breathing in the quiet room. Her features were relaxed and almost doll-like in sleep, he did not want to wake her. He stood watching the even rise and fall of her breasts until sudden laughter erupting from somewhere in the house startled him. He tiptoed out the front door and quietly closed it behind him. As he walked toward his car, he felt somehow euphoric despite the long drive ahead of him.

THE END.