Sometimes I find myself trying to fit in, to say the right thing, to act surprised or appear amused when I’m really not. I sometimes see myself smiling and nodding at some inane thing someone is saying because I don’t want to be the one to tell them it’s absurd.
Whenever I experience these moments I’m deeply ashamed of my cowardice. That same cowardice that allows me to pretend I didn’t notice when someone talks down to me. I’m also very ashamed when my traitorous mouth remains shut as someone tries to convince me that they know all about something when it’s obvious that they don’t have a clue. Why don’t I call them out? why don’t I say “listen I know you don’t really know anything about wines, and that’s OK, you don’t have to pretend.”
I always remember this quote from a favorite poet, it boosts my confidence and gives me just a little more backbone.
“If you’re always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.”
Maya Angelou
I’ve decided that I need to print those words on card stock, frame, and hang it on my wall in a prominent place where I can see it every day. I need to read those words several times a day and stop being such a pushover. Normal seems agreeable and boring, and sometimes I think normal can be pretentious and deceitful as well – I don’t want to be described in those words.
Someone once said to me “here, let me read this passage for you – its difficult to understand even for me”. I just stood there feeling like a fool while a perfectly comprehensible passage was read aloud to me. Why didn’t I speak up then? I could have said, “thank you, no need to read for me I am perfectly capable of reading and comprehending.” I want to kick myself for all the times I let someone talk down to me like that!
I know that I cannot be the only person with this tendency, there must be someone out there who is cringing as they read this. What do we gain from pretending that we’re OK with being disrespected? pretending to be someone else to fit into what is expected? and what do we gain when we don’t have the gall to call someone out? We don’t gain anything; we just lose our self-respect.
Well, I think it’s time to take our self-respect back. It’s time to be authentic and stop hiding our true selves. I will strive to do this from this day forward, will you join me? Maybe the authentic person we are is smart, brave, sensitive, caring, fun-loving, and affectionate and maybe, someone with all of those qualities is truly amazing!
