As we all know, unplanned travel associated with family emergencies is stressful to say the least. Throw in the current pandemic and the severe travel restrictions to some parts of the world, add the almost impossible travel requirements, and the word ‘stressful’ takes on an entirely different meaning! Of course, I am one of those people who doggedly focus on the upside of every situation. Yep! Sometimes people are very annoyed by my outlook but to each his own! I am just happy that even in this current pandemic, I was able to get to where I needed to be.
Late last month I received news that my mom was hospitalized and I immediately started looking for flights. I was about to throw all caution to the wind and take the first available flight to Guyana! As we all know, Guyana is a Covid-19 hotspot since it shares borders with Brazil. Brazil has a high percentage of Covid-19 infections as well as highly infectious variants of the virus. I had canceled plans to travel to Guyana and Brazil earlier in the year because of these very reasons! Yet, here I was frantically looking for flights to New York with an onward connection to Georgetown Guyana. I had to be at my mom’s bedside regardless of the pandemic.
I needed to get to where I needed to be
Despite the CDC warning against travel to Guyana blazoned on the American Airlines website, flights are ridiculously expensive! At one point I attempted to book a round trip from Antigua and Barbuda to Guyana and the search engine returned US$7,350! Nothing could have prepared me for that! but Guyana’s oil industry is like a giant magnet drawing people from across the globe. The demand for flights from almost anywhere to the busy streets of Georgetown has caused ticket prices to skyrocket. Nonetheless, I needed to get to where I needed to be!
When I finally found an affordable flight, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to take a combination of my meager resources – kind donations from good friends and family and a personal loan. The important thing is that will be there to ‘fix things and nurse my mom back to recovery’. As it turns I couldn’t ‘fix’ anything! I couldn’t do anything to change mom’s circumstances in any way. All I was able to do was coerce my mom to eat the occasional spoonful of food and drink sips of water. I also held her hand and listened. Listening is one of the most difficult things to do and lately I have been trying very hard to perfect this skill. As it turns out, listening is what I needed to do the most for my mom.
Listening is difficult
Each day I sat in an uncomfortable chair in my mother’s room and listened to her ramble on. At first, she could barely sit up, her caregiver would lift her like a ragdoll and prop her up in bed. Despite her obvious weakness, her voice was clear and strong. Some days she was present, she knew what day it was and she knew I was ‘ShariB’ as she called me. She worried about my sister Jacqui, and asked how she was doing over and over.
On other days mom would complain that someone had stolen her belongings. She would declare loudly that she knows who it is and she hopes the culprit knows that God is watching. There were times I wanted to interject, to say ‘mom that is not true, you’re imagining things!’ but I listened and agreed with whatever she said. Sometimes I turned my head away and pretended to look out the window for a bit, I didn’t want her to see me cry.
By the second week, it appeared mom was improving! at least physically. One day in the middle of telling me something she suddenly said, ‘wait here, I’ll be right back,’ she swung her legs over the side of the bed, got up, and tottered to the bathroom on her own. I was shocked at how steady she was on those two impossibly skinny legs! The next day, she took the spoon from me when I attempted to feed her. It seemed impossible that she was stronger! she probably weighs 75lbs! rarely eats more than two spoons of food at mealtimes and drinks about 3 ounces of water. She would take two sips of the meal replacement drink I insist she has.
Famous last words
The day before my last visit, I told her that I will be leaving and she won’t see me after the following day. She nodded, saying “I know you have to go, babe, don’t worry I’ll be alright”. When I arrived on the last day mom was in her own world, she looked reflective and sad. She asked me for a childhood friend – someone I didn’t think she would remember existed. I responded that I hadn’t seen or spoken to that person in a long time and she nodded and she was quiet for a long time. I sat and watched her as she lay still with her head tilted back on her pillow staring vacantly out the window at the cloudy sky.
I held both her hands and tugged on them, willing her eyes to meet mine. “Mom do you have anything you want to tell me before I go? any famous last words?” I asked. Her eyes drifted reluctantly from the window over to me. She smiled up at me and said “what can I say Shar? I love you, I love you, I love you!”. I hugged her and said ‘I love you too mom”. When it was time for me to leave, I hugged her frail body one last time then I walked out and gently closed the door behind me. I felt satisfied that she had said all she needed to say to me and she had been fully present at that moment.
I’m so grateful
As I drove away from the facility where mom lives, I looked up and saw her waving frantically from the window. I was surprised that she had gotten out of bed to watch me leave. I think she knew that we may not see each other again. I will forever hold that image of her slight white-haired figure waving from the window and her last words close to my heart.
I’m happy I was able to have those precious moments with my mom. I’m grateful to everyone who made it possible for me to be where I needed to be. I’m also grateful to everyone who sent comforting words and best wishes for mom’s recovery. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. xx
