{"id":16447,"date":"2020-08-09T21:04:44","date_gmt":"2020-08-09T21:04:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/qryptonyght.com\/?p=16447"},"modified":"2020-10-11T23:15:21","modified_gmt":"2020-10-11T23:15:21","slug":"nicoles-story-despair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/qryptonyght.com\/de\/nicoles-story-despair\/","title":{"rendered":"Nicole’s Story – Despair"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Nicole felt adrift in a cloud of disillusionment, it appeared that the committed relationship she felt she had with Paul had only been a figment of her own imagination. She had been deluding herself all along thinking that Paul loved and wanted only her!<\/em> Obviously this was not the case. The thought of a relationship without exclusivity was abhorrent, yet she had never broached the subject with Paul. In fact, she had never given any thought to discussing the conditions or even the nature of their relationship!<\/p><\/amp-fit-text>\n\n\n\n\n\n

In retrospect, she realized that she had held Paul to standards without his knowledge or consent. \u00a0He had been her first and it hurt to know that she was not enough but she was mature enough to realize that he was not entirely at fault. Nevertheless, the pain was a constant, nauseating, hard knot in her stomach that refused to go away. The rational voice in her head reasoned that her own inexperience had led her down this path. An experienced person would have voiced their expectations; how could she blame Paul for seeing other people? <\/p><\/amp-fit-text>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Alone in her room, she consumed herself with work and only took calls from Jamaica, she had no desire to speak to Paul. Any explanation he came up with for what she had witnessed would not change the betrayal she felt or lessen her pain. Instead of dwelling on her heartache, she did her best to put it behind her. Her dad\u2019s painfully slow recovery was all she focused on, he seemed to be improving at a slow but steady pace.<\/p><\/amp-fit-text>\n\n\n\n

Despite the close bond she shared with her mom, she did her best to pretend that everything was fine whenever they spoke. \u00a0She longed to unburden herself but it seemed selfish to seek comfort at a time when her mom was preoccupied with nursing her dad back to health. As the days turned into weeks, the heartache dulled to a vague hollowness that she was slowly becoming used to. She had blocked Paul\u2019s number from her phone and deleted all of the messages he left on the house phone. She just was not ready to speak with him, she needed time to heal.<\/p><\/amp-fit-text>\n\n\n\n