It is always easy for us to see other people’s faults but fail to fully acknowledge and take responsibility for our own! Today during a conversation, I shared that I am aware of my own narcissistic tendencies. The truth is, we all are very aware of our unattractive qualities but we convince ourselves that we are only a ‘little’ selfish or critical or unemphatic or indeed narcissistic, while others we know are much worse. That is a bit like saying a person who murdered one family member is not really a murderer but the person who murdered three family members is! The truth is, admitting your faults is not a weakness as we all seem to think!
Are You Conscious of Your Faults?
Have you ever heard yourself say something that made you cringe in embarrassment? something you wish you could take back because it made you ‘sound’ boorish? Maybe you sometimes do things then realize in hindsight that it was offensive. If you’re honest with yourself you would say yes to one or both of these scenarios! and that is the meter by which I measure my own unattractive tendencies. I once read a quote by James A. Owen which resonated with me because it adequately defines what I am striving to achieve. I believe that while I may not always achieve success, developing a consciousness of my own character faults will help me be more forgiving and will enrich the quality of relationships I have with others. Ultimately, having rich, meaningful and satisfying relationships with others will certainly improve my life.
“Admitting your faults isn’t a weakness, it is a strength. Having your faults pointed out isn’t a slur against your character, it’s an opportunity to improve your life”.
James A. Owen
Should You Point Out Someone Else’s Faults?
We all know how offended and even angry we ourselves can become if someone mentions our character flaws! I think it is important for us to first analyze how we ourselves feel when someone habitually says or does something that does not sit well with us. How does it make us feel? Angry? Sad? undervalued? Neglected? This is important simply because how we feel really has nothing to do with that person! How we feel is based on our own insecurities, our ideals and how we prefer to be treated. Which is why if you decided to point out someone else’s faults the framing is extremely important! instead of saying “Karen I think you are always very rude to me”, you can instead say “Karen I feel as though you do not value our friendship when you say ‘X’ thing”.
What if The Shoe is on The Other Foot?
Once you understand that admitting your faults is not a weakness but an opportunity for growth, you become more willing to accept criticism. This means that you are on that arduous path to self improvement. Just recently I said to a friend in conversation ” I know that I can be a bit controlling but I’m working on it” and my friend responded, “I don’t think you’re controlling at all! you are appropriately assertive”. That made me very happy because it meant my hard work was paying off! Don’t be afraid to call yourself out if you notice an unattractive quality in yourself, admit it and strive to improve. Admitting your faults is really not a weakness, it is the first step towards self improvement.
