Nicole felt adrift in a cloud of disillusionment, it appeared that the committed relationship she felt she had with Paul had only been a figment of her own imagination. She had been deluding herself all along thinking that Paul loved and wanted only her! Obviously this was not the case. The thought of a relationship without exclusivity was abhorrent, yet she had never broached the subject with Paul. In fact, she had never given any thought to discussing the conditions or even the nature of their relationship!
In retrospect, she realized that she had held Paul to standards without his knowledge or consent. He had been her first and it hurt to know that she was not enough but she was mature enough to realize that he was not entirely at fault. Nevertheless, the pain was a constant, nauseating, hard knot in her stomach that refused to go away. The rational voice in her head reasoned that her own inexperience had led her down this path. An experienced person would have voiced their expectations; how could she blame Paul for seeing other people?
