This post was specially requested after I responded yes to the question – have you ever used an online dating service? If you are single and contemplating online dating for the first time, I have to ask – what are you waiting for? online dating is a roaring success! Most of what I’m about to say here is from my own prospective but I have also consulted with one of LA’s top rated Dating Coaches, Amie Leadingham to give you online dating novices the best advice on how to navigate this new frontier.
I know you’re asking yourself whether you should go this route and you are probably reluctant to ‘put yourself out there’. The short answer is yes, you definitely should use an online dating service. Why? did I tell you that it works? also because when you fill in that questionnaire you are actually eliminating everyone you do not share a common interest with. Most dating services provide a variety of parameters including age, height, race, geographical location, religious beliefs, drinkers, smokers etc. this helps to take most of the guesswork out of the process and increase your chances of finding your perfect match.
Secondly, It is important to remember that the people on the site are as invested in the process as you are! So post a current photo and include as much information as possible about what you are looking for. There is no obligation to physically meet anyone unless you want to. If you do decide to meet someone for a first date, there is no obligation to stay if you are uncomfortable. In addition, you can meet more than one person then decide who you want to date. Don’t feel guilty about doing this, in fact the other person will most likely be doing the same!
There are a few things to remember:
You should always be honest about what you are looking for. Include relevant details about yourself i.e. whether you are divorced, have children, pets. a terminal illness (God forbid) etc. Imagine if you neglect to mention one of these things and it turns out to be a deal breaker!
Do not, under any circumstances give out your personal information! you don’t have to let the person know exactly where you live, your bank account details or your social media logins. Do not agree to meet anyone unless you are comfortable, regardless of how persuasive they are! When you do decide to meet for the first time, always arrange to do so in a public place, i.e. a bar or restaurant. That way you are not completely alone with a stranger. If you are uncomfortable, you can simply excuse yourself and leave.
I asked Amie 2 questions – does online dating really work? and what advice would she would give to newbies.? here are her answers:
“Absolutely! online dating works. I met my husband online! 17% of marriages start through online dating and the rate of their marital breakups are at least 25% lower than those who met offline.”
“The #1 tip is to make sure you are specific about what you are looking for in a partner. So many singles make the mistake of just talking about themselves without being clear about their potential mate’s values. You want to be targeted, think of your profile as a marketing ad about you. If you are getting dismal results, you may need some help with editing your profile and choosing images that are appealing and truly representative of you.”
Now, think carefully about what you really want! some are looking for committed relationships. Your best bet is to sign up with the more traditional sites like Dating.com, Eharmony.com, Christianmingle.com , Zoosk.com, Ourtime.com, Silversingles.com etc. Most allow you to sign up for free with limited access. The cost for full membership is usually between US$20-30 per month.
For casual hookups or a friends-with-benefits situation, you should definitely check out apps like Tinder, SDC, AFF (see link below), POF, CaribbeanCupid and Tagged. Although these apps are great for casual hookups, I know for a fact that a casual hookup can lead to something much more substantial. These may be your win/win solutions regardless of what you are looking for!
If you need help with getting started you can contact Amie directly (below) for a personal consultation. Good luck with your quest and do drop me a line to let me know how it’s going!
