St. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! I know that there are a lot of people who do not acknowledge Valentine’s Day because they think it is too commercialized. Well, I’m the kind of person who eagerly look forward to Valentine’s Day so I can send goofy love messages to all my family and loved ones. I like to splurge on expensive gifts for my special someone, and love receiving flowers and cards. Why? because we don’t always say how much we love each other and Valentine’s Day gives us the perfect opportunity to do so. I also enjoy celebrating and basking in the love I’m blessed with.
Valentine’s Day is quite fun if you have someone to celebrate it with. A romantic getaway, a shared hot tub with delicious nibbles, or a candlelit dinner are all perfect ways to celebrate. If you do not have a special someone to celebrate with then it is also the perfect day to pop the question! Will you be my Valentine? Who knows? the answer may be yes! You’ll never know until you ask.
Will you be my Valentine?
I asked someone today what qualities they look for in a potential partner and the response (albeit jokingly) was ‘perfection’. Although we all know that no one is perfect, I think unconsciously that’s who we seek, Mrs/Mr. Perfection. In our minds we see a perfect body, imagine a perfect temperament, a perfect lover, with perfect manners, perfect teeth, etc. it’s no wonder almost everyone falls short! Those who imagine the perfect partner account for maybe less than half of us who practice positive visualization. The other half focuses too much energy on the qualities they don’t want! This is of course not a good idea since you may succeed in conjuring up exactly what you don’t want!
Qualities we appreciate
More important than perfection I think, are the qualities like kindness, compassion, honesty, integrity, etc. which we all appreciate in others. Physical attraction though is instinctive, we are never looking for ‘qualities’ when we initially meet a potential partner. It is the time spent together after the initial meeting that determines whether the person has those qualities. Someone once said, “I hate it when women say I love you too early in a relationship”, to which I blithely responded, “me too”. The upshot of that was that I never said the words throughout our relationship (purely out of respect for his wishes of course!). I promise you I have matured a bit since then! Although that is probably not the best demonstration, I’m sure you understand how easy it is to employ a similar method to alert the other person of your expectations.
Respect is Key
One of my schoolmates Paulla De Souza is a great makeup artist, I kid you not! she is naturally talented. She and I both hail from the now-famous, oil-rich South American country Guyana and attended the same high school. Paulla has enjoyed a successful career for several years and she has had the good fortune to meet celebrities and notable personalities from all walks of life. In 2020 Paulla began hosting live Facebook conversations each Wednesday with interesting people from Trinidad and Tobago where she has lived for most of her career. The conversations are centered around beauty, skincare, and makeup artistry as well as love, career, success, and life in general.
Today I happened to watch Paulla’s most recent Facebook live and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the ease with which she steered the conversation and I found her guest Yvonne Popplewell quite delightful. When asked what contributed to the success of her marriage, Ms. Yvonne shocked me by verbalizing the very quality I have always expected in a romantic relationship – respect. She described what appeared to have been a perfect union based on mutual respect.
I have attended my fair share of weddings and I have heard tons of advice doled out to newlyweds. Family and friends delight in giving humorous advice and even the more well-intentioned are quite vague, “never go to bed angry” or “marriage is hard work” Rarely have I heard anyone advise newlyweds to respect each other. Above fidelity, above emotional support and encouragement, above honesty – Respect. How profound that is! Just think of it – with mutual respect as the basis of a union, everything else is the icing on the cake!
Are you being respectful of your partner?
Being respectful means different things depending on the situation and the person.
- It may mean shutting up while they voice their own opinion – respecting their need to be heard.
- or waiting to be asked for assistance – respecting their need to do things how they see fit.
- It may mean staying out of their physical space – respecting their need for alone time when they need it.
Everyone is different, if you truly know your partner you will know what matters most to them.
This Valentine’s Day I hope you celebrate the way I do, with hearts and flowers and goofy declarations of love. Celebrate love day with the ones you love because who knows what tomorrow will bring? Life is short, live in the moment.
